Acoustic Touch

Right now The Break Up episode of Glee is playing again in the background. Well, not really the whole episode. I have watched Darren Criss's acoustic version of teenage dream multiple times today. I like Glee but I am not a Gleek. I rarely obsess about anything from TV, but I absolutely loved his song. I was touched and heartbroken all at once. It made me think about myself at their character's ages. We grow and change but that raw sadness and carnal need is something that is so much a part of life. So, aside from my being deeply touched by the beautiful acoustic teenage dream by Blain, today was a very chill day. Philip worked on his app. I worked around the house. We rented a movie, ate out for dinner, shopped at little, and enjoyed a relaxing day. That is all....

A fork in the road... I need to know how not to fail. I want to be immune from failure. Rumor has it, that is not possible... Disheartening, I know. At the moment, the fear of failure is work-related. Teaching is not easy. I am a special education teacher. Sometimes it is not so much the students and learning, but more the challenge of pleasing the students. Am I over thinking all of this? Maybe. But the fear of failure is there. From a young age, I have felt so much frustration to know of anyone who is mad at me. I want to make everyone happy. I have tried to broker peace many times, and I often fail at that too. As an adult, it still bothers me. Not in the same childish pouting and crying way, at least on the outside, but I am really bothered. Sometimes I wish I had a co-teacher. I wish there was someone in my building who taught the same things. I wish someone would hold my hand and walk me through everything. I wish there was less paperwork. I wish students were more motivated. But most of all, I wish I could fix the problems with me. I love the kids at the school where I work. I do not feel like I am there by accident, but I feel every day like I need to prove my right to be there. I have reworked and reworked the special education schedule and I still feel like it is awful. I am overwhelmed at the moment. But I know it will get better, and I know that my work will help students, and I am trying hard today not to submit to the feeling of failure.