A fork in the road... I need to know how not to fail. I want to be immune from failure. Rumor has it, that is not possible... Disheartening, I know. At the moment, the fear of failure is work-related. Teaching is not easy. I am a special education teacher. Sometimes it is not so much the students and learning, but more the challenge of pleasing the students. Am I over thinking all of this? Maybe. But the fear of failure is there. From a young age, I have felt so much frustration to know of anyone who is mad at me. I want to make everyone happy. I have tried to broker peace many times, and I often fail at that too. As an adult, it still bothers me. Not in the same childish pouting and crying way, at least on the outside, but I am really bothered. Sometimes I wish I had a co-teacher. I wish there was someone in my building who taught the same things. I wish someone would hold my hand and walk me through everything. I wish there was less paperwork. I wish students were more motivated. But most of all, I wish I could fix the problems with me. I love the kids at the school where I work. I do not feel like I am there by accident, but I feel every day like I need to prove my right to be there. I have reworked and reworked the special education schedule and I still feel like it is awful. I am overwhelmed at the moment. But I know it will get better, and I know that my work will help students, and I am trying hard today not to submit to the feeling of failure.